Perspective...

Perspective.  Is it gained or learned?

Here are the definitions:

Gain:  v. To obtain or secure (something desired, favorable, or profitable)

Learn: v. To gain or acquire knowledge or skill in something by study, experience, or being taught.

When it comes to something that matters the most, like God, family, or life lessons, gain is better than learn.  Now you may think that I am splitting hairs, but I believe that this fundamental difference could lead to a better way to help our kids understand the role of God and the family in their lives.  Let's start by taking the mindset of learning.

When kids learn something, by the definition above, they are taught by either reading or hearing something, experiencing something, or being specifically taught something by someone.  This is great for things like math, reading and other things that are important for development.  The problem comes during the processing part.  When we learn something either from being taught, by teachers or on our own, or by experience, we have just that, a lesson or an experience.  We have learned.  This is more surface level than the concept of gain.  When kids gain something, like wisdom, there is a sense of a deeper, core level, understanding.  

I am afraid that in churches we have settled for our kids learning about God.  We teach them, and they acquire knowledge.  They are taught that God is something to be studied.  The God they learn about through experience is boring.  They are taught that the miraculous and amazing stories that happened in the Old Testament are just that, stories.  They think of God as an impersonal entity that used to do really cool stuff, a long time ago.  So what do we need to do?

We need to teach kids, with God we gain something desired, something favorable, and something profitable.  God is not something to be studied.  The experiences with God are life changing and anything but boring.  We need to allow kids to wonder at the amazingness of God.  With the super hero resurgence of the last year, I am afraid the God in most churches is losing out to the Avengers in levels of excitement.  We need to remember that the God of the Old Testament who did all of those amazing things, is the God of today, who still wants to do amazing things.

We need to show kids that this God is exciting.  If God is not exciting in your life or church...the problem is you.  God is doing amazing things at my church.  People are growing in their relationships with Him.  Peoples lives are being changed, and I get to be a part of it.  I am gaining perspective on what God wants to do in this generation of millennials and their children.  We need to show them that God is not a science project, but is an actual being capable of rocking their world in the best way possible.  

There is a new product called Gain w/ Febreze.  Gain is a laundry detergent and it makes things clean.  Febreze is a product that makes things smell better.  I like the idea of this product.  It speaks to what we need to demonstrate for the next generation of people who are far from God.  Here is the lesson:  

We need to show people how to gain understanding when their life stinks.

Game On...

Every one who has played a sport knows this...

Practice is no fun.

It is all about the game.  It is all about when you hear your name called and you step up to the plate, shoot a free throw, or throw a touchdown pass.  There is just something different when the lights come on.  It feels real.  The pressure is real.  The emotions are real.  The excitement is real.  None of these things can be simulated in practice.  Not even the best coach, with the best intentions, with the best drills, can make a practice feel like a game.  Because it isn't.

Yet, there is a reason for practice.  It allows us to work on all of the individual nuances of the game.  It allows us repetition.  And it is this repetition that builds muscle memory.  Practice provides us situational awareness.  Practice allows us to mess up with no real consequences.  It is the ideal time to learn in controlled circumstances.

Here is the problem.  How many of us, as parents, allow our kids to practice?  How many of us work with them on their decision making skills with repetition, in controlled circumstances?  Do we provide our children the opportunity to fail in areas, that have little consequence on their future, so they can succeed when the game is on the line?  Do we put in the same amount of practice on their life skills as their baseball and soccer coaches do on their sports skills?

Here are the two pitfalls that are associated with this analogy.

1:  Bad News Bears (read drunk little league coach) problem:  BATTER UP!  This is the parental mindset that says, "We don't need to practice life skills.  Get out there and do them."  This is the mentality that kicks the baby bird out of the nest, even though the parent bird has never taught their kid to fly.  In my ministry career, this is the scenario I have seen played out.

Parent:  I don't know what is wrong with my teenager.
Me:  What's the problem?
Parent:  My kid is out of control.  They won't listen to me.  What do I do?
Me:  Did you talk about (insert bad behavior here) before they started doing it?
Parent:  No.
Me:  And you want them to listen to you about it, now that they have already made the decision to do (insert same bad behavior)?
Parent:  Yes
Me:  Too late.

(Ok, I was more polite, but the conversations are all remarkably similar in format.)

2.  Military Escort problem:  This is the parental mindset that says, "Games are dangerous.  My child can get hurt.  They could fail.  My baby can't fail."  This would be illustrated by the baby bird that spreads its wings and wants to fly, but the parent bird keeps blocking the way out of the nest.  The bird is wearing a helmet, knee pads, a life jacket, and a tether to the parent bird.  They are wearing so much safety gear that any attempt to fly on their own would be a disaster.

This is the parent that never lets their kids:
Hang out with kids from different backgrounds.
Watch anything other than PBS
Listen to anything other than "Wheels on the Bus"
Go to public school (I think I could educate my kid better than the government, however I am not scared to let my kids associate with people who are different than us in color, morals, or religion.)
Go to a dance with anyone other than a family member. (This is sad...and creepy.  But it happens.)

Here is the deal.  We need to practice life skills with our kids.  Then we need to let them play in the game of Life.  We need to let them fail as little kids when the consequences aren't so big, so we can correct them before they make the big mistakes, as big kids, when the consequences are life-changingly big.

How A Sticker Changed My Life...

At my church we have an incredible hallway for our Kindergarten through 5th grade kids.  There is a painted carousel. (Modeled after the historic one in the nearby city park.)  There are surfboards, a train, and even a car crashing through the wall.  All of this lights up and it is very exciting.  But there is one thing that until today was the bane of my existence.  We have a wall decoration called Sweet Retreat.  It looks like an ice cream shop store front.  There is a bench in front of it and either side is flanked with a candy pole.  Flowers beside the bench round out the cozy motif.  But there is one thing right in the middle of it that I absolutely can't stand.

There is an ice cream cone sticker in the middle of it all.  It depicts a lovely double scoop chocolate sugar cone that is even decked out with a cherry on top.  It looks great, good enough to even want to take a bite.  Why then do I hate it, you ask?  Because the sticker WILL NOT stay on the wall.  For whatever reason the surface behind the sticker will not hold on to it.  So my ritual, every time I walk down the hall, is to stick the ice cream cone back on the wall.  I have thought about repainting the surface, or just gluing the thing to the wall, but there is a reason I haven't done that yet.

You see, the sticker only peels back a little at a time.  It has never come all the way off.  So rather than fixing it permanently, I (and the church staff) just smooth it out and stick it back to the wall.  So in my estimation it is easier just to take the 5 seconds and smooth it out, than to take all of the necessary steps to fixing it permanently.

Until this morning, I really did hate that sticker.  I really didn't like the time it took to constantly straighten it out.  But then, as He so often does, God showed me something.  I am the sticker.  I am the one who is always peeling away from God.  I am the one who continues to draw away, even though I know my purpose is to cling tightly.  I am the one who God has to fix continually.

I am incredibly thankful for two things.  That God in his wisdom doesn't glue me to His side.  Because I think grace is a pretty cool thing.  Messing up is terrible, but the grace that comes from it beats anything else.  The second thing I am thankful for is that God just doesn't rip the sticker off completely. When I think of all of the times I have pulled away, God would be perfectly justified in saying, "That's it.  I am done.  I am just going to rip you off of Me and throw you away."  But He doesn't.  I am worth the time it takes to smooth out my wrinkles.

So now, as I realize I'm the sticker, I will continue to stick the sticker to the wall.  I may even smile about it as I remember that I am just putting myself back where I should be.